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Le Struggle

The Job Search

I have been on the East Coast for over a month now, and while I am enjoying the fuck out of being here it’s time for Nelly to find a job. When I first decided to move out here i was set on doing the most for the first three months and then start looking for a job my fourth month, I am realizing that was not a well thought out plan. I am not one that does well with no bi-weekly income. One side of me feels as if I should be taking advantage of all this free time that I know I will miss when I do get a job (because I will get a job) but the other side is grating myself for not having my hustler side activated.

I have to continue to tell myself to stay positive. None of us woke up with a damn paycheck or gainful employment. We had to be patient, and trust the process. I have no idea why I am getting into my own head with this super negative Nancy mentality that I know is not true, but what I am realizing is I’m IMPATIENT I literally gave myself until the end of this month to be working. While it took me practically two years to get my government job while I lived in Oakland. I am so paranoid I have added my resume to a temp agency and while there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this you are speaking to a girl who has been hired on the spot 4 out 5 times after an interview. I am feeling downtrodden.

Being patient has been a hard lesson

I had an interview over a week ago with a company that I decided I wanted to work for in April in California. The interview with swimmingly. I sent a handwritten Thank You letter and I sent a follow up email. I received a response that the next step would be for HR contact me. My impatience hasn’t even allowed me to take in the beauty of this. I am more concerned with if they have reached out to my references instead of: SHANELL YOU RESEARCHED A JOB AND MADE A DECISION TO APPLY FOR IT. YOU ASKED PEOPLE TO PRAY FOR YOU TO GET THIS JOB. YOU MOVED TO THE COAST OF THE JOB FOLLOWED UP AND WITHIN A 3 WEEK PERIOD YOU HAD AN INTERVIEW FOR THE JOB YOU CHOSE. DURING THIS INTERVIEW YOU GOT OFFERED TWO DIFFERENT POSITIONS IN WHICH YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE!!!! but instead of reveling in that moment I choose to be depressed about not having a job within 49 days of moving to a foreign land. Who does this?!?! I am going to go meditate and get my mental back together

Namaste
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An outpouring of LOVE

MOVING IN GRACE

alright beautiful people let me warn you now I’m all in my feels and I will jump in an tell you why. When I decided I was moving I didn’t really give anyone fair warning. I kinda woke up teeter tottered with the idea, made a decision, chose a date, and got the wheels turning. Not much discussion. Anyway when I finally started to tell people about my move it was a week before my one way ticket took me to my new journey. Needless to say, this DID NOT go over well with a lot of people. and my apologies I realize how massively naive I was NOW when it comes to the love that people have for me. When I came to the reality that I would not be able to kick it with everyone i became immediately downtrodden but i had an idea

Instead of attending expensive ass dinners and getting drunk into oblivion via drink dates and happy hours I chose to request 10 American Dollars via Venmo and Cashapp to help with my move and also I realized how many people wanted to do something, anything for me, I felt like giving me 10 bucks was the same as buying me a drink. YA’LL!!!! I already feel the warm tears brimming on my eyelids AGAIN the response I got from people was overwhelming. I always knew I was loved but the abundance of love I received I still don’t know how to take in. You would have thought I was in Vegas at a winning slot machine the way my phone started to chirp. YAHTZEE

The 10.00 start pouring in and the tears started to flow cause I’m a punk! Also the 15.00 25.00 100.00 and 200.00 flowed in. And when those numbers came in I sat on the floor of my empty apartment in the fetal position and ugly cried. I mean snot flowing funeral cried. I’m sure I know why the cry was so hard, long, and ugly but I can say afterwards I felt renewed. I knew how hard my tribe fucked with me and I also figured out that I must be an alright human being for people to curse me out to give me their hard earned coin. Do you know I had friends and family come for my neck because I didn’t ask them for 10.00!! Folks were real life upset. I don’t even know how to handle this right now. I’m just proud that I have given out the kind of energy that blessed me with this kind of outpouring of love.

There is no way on the planet Earth that I can thank you all individually or even in this lifetime. My entire apartment is furnished because of you all. I mean I am wanting for NOTHING I was even able to buy groceries. I do want to say THANK YOU. Thank you from the pits of my soul that is nourished by my ancestors in the diaspora. Thank you for making me stand in my truth that I AM LOVED. Thank you for making me acknowledge numerous times that I would do the same for all of you (and I would) Thank you for calling me out about being so damn secretive. You all deserve better of me an I will give you that. iPromise

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Welcome Beautiful People

This is the beginning!

I am afraid to write this blog but I’m going to do it anyway

So Hey Guys. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. Let me introduce myself. My Name is Shanell. I’m a strong willed black woman who is born and raised in Oakland. I am also your guide in this safe haven we shall call SUGAHBOXX AND WELCOME. I have always wanted a space that I could go to for plus size women that gave me a variety of information for us by us. I never necessarily found what I was looking for so I am deciding to become what I could not find.

I promise to give you all my undying truth and nothing less.

Here I hope to share my personal ups and downs, but also I want this to be an interactive space between all of us, so by all means plus jump in the comments and tell me what WE need and want more of. My intent is to talk openly about plus size fashion and beauty, about health and exercise from a thicker chick perspective, sex (DUH) and mental health and whatever else this twisted world throws at us. I feel as if with all that is going on in this world an open dialogue is much needed.

I also want to take a moment and say THANK YOU to all of you that told me to pull the trigger LOL as confident as I may sound I am nervous as hell to start this blog but once again (and per usual) my tribe has my back. With that said HERE’S TO US on our new journey! Can’t wait to hear from you all!

LOVE ABUNDANTLY

Shanell!