is a shit storm right now. Does anyone else feel like they’re going to be single forever? Just me? That’s cool….I guess.
I am currently going through heartbreak for the millionth time it feels like, this time is a little different because I am realizing this human is the first human i have ever been IN LOVE with. :GASP: yeah I know. Unfortunately for me I decided to fall in love with the devil. I won’t say that i don’t play a part. He has not only shown me who he is he has told me a multitude of times. I am the over romantic that thought i could over love him into loving me.
I am very aware THAT PART is my fault. :LE SIGH: Once I seen shit was going left I should have made a hard right and got the fuck outta town, but no I stuck around an continued to dig myself deeper into someone that now on the outside looking in I don’t think ever liked me. I am navigating new territory here and I am never sure if I am doing a good job. My friends that know about the situation is holding me down and checking in, BUT deep in my soul I wish it was “the Devil” and that is the part I am having a hard time understanding. I think it’s because it was so easy for me to leave my exes (which allowed me to realize I was never in love with them) that I am confused why I haven’t done the same with this one? Do I like being abused? Cause this is 100% abuse. Emotional, verbal, spiritual, intellectual abuse. I’ve been single before why am I trippin now? BECAUSE I’M FUCKIN OLD!
I am frustrated with myself because I feel as if I have become a “Pick ME” bitch and keeping it a buck I AM TOO MUTHAFUCKIN FINE to be her. in conclusion because I’m tired of whining, I’m doing a lot of meditation and reading.. I’m not sure if it’s helping but I’m hopeful. I want to be wanted and be loved. I want to genuinely smile again soon and I hope the saying that there’s someone out there for everyone is true cause I honestly feel kind of alone these days. SO ANYWHO how do you guys get over heartbreak? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
If you know me than you know I’m definitely the, “who all there?” friend. And it has nothing to do with the people there but EVERYTHING to do with me! I consistently say The Most High made a very cruel joke by making me look friendly as all get out, but didn’t install the friendly portion of my personality. Go Figure. However I have no problem making new friends or sparking a conversation with a complete stranger. When I first moved here I met a girl at a bar an we hopped in a Lyft together and hit the club same night. BUT I keep hearing women tell me making friends as an adult (30+) is a no go and with my experiences this is so hard to believe. This weekend I went out with a friend from The Bay that I met through my friend (who’s from Detroit) and we happen to run into some of her friends. Well long story short as I am sitting down talking to these women, I was told that D.C. is super high school clique-ish and that is why it’s hard. If you’re not in the right circles it’s very hard to get invited into these particular circles. She, who was from Detroit, explained she has a tight group because she went to Howard and joined a sorority
I’m coming to the realization that I have the ability to dip and dodge through all circles comfortably, because I never have intentions on staying. If it happens to pan out that we are meant to exchange numbers and carry on the interaction awesome, but if not I’m super cool with that as well! I much rather be a square than try an fight int a circle. This ability to have a great time within the meeting is probably why I have no issues meeting and making friends as an adult but I can also see how it’s not easy. We are older we have our core group of people that we plan to ride with until the end so there’s no need to entertain new ones. They wasn’t with us shootin’ in the gym or getting yelled at by each others parents during adolescents so with that said we are stuck in our ways an ain’t foolin’ with anyone. Does this same rhetoric apply to co workers as well?? I would love to hear from you all in the comments. Is it hard for you to make friends? Keep friends?
ok Jordyn Woods what does Secnd Nature has to offer
yo the level of customer service this brand showed IS SPECTACULAR!
Alright Ladies so I’m chilling on the couch, scrolling IG like we do and here comes another athleisure line flashing across my screen. Not sure why this time was a little different for me, but I decided to actually click on the website and low and behold there’s some really cute shit presented on here and I also see the advertisements highlights short, tall, thick, thin, and most importantly there were handicap/disabled models ROCKING THESE ITEMS. Oh I’m intrigued!
For those of you that follow me on IG (and you should be) I made a post explaining how I have an insecurity about wearing shorts. I am not a huge fan of the cellulite on my legs BUT ANYWHO! I’m on the website and what do I see Bike Riding Shorts AKA long shorts I’m instantly excited. I run to google to look up some reviews. I check the hashtag and there are women who look like me wearing almost everything!!! Sign me up!!
There’s a pop up that indicates if you sign up you get 15% off your first order. I like all the discounts I sign up. When I place my order the discount code doesn’t work. I am anxious about my items so I place my order anyway and reconcile with the discount later. I use IG first and I DM SecndNture and within a I have a response apologizing for the inconvenience and a solution. I send an email to customer to let them know my problem within minutes I receive an email letting me know my 15% discount will be added and the refund had been sent to payment choice. I’m in awe at the customer service so I am so hopeful for my purchases. THEY DIDN’T DISAPPOINT!! I ordered the Jodie Riding Short in an XL and The Mesh Panel Bodysuit in a XXL. The material is massive high quality and the stretch is perfection.!! Unfortunately for me I don’t believe that I have lost weight and the body suit was entirely too big I easily could have went with a large however the shorts are EVERYTHING! I due to the dope ass customer service I absolutely will be ordering from SecndNture again
I could have definitely got a size Large instead of an XL
I have been on the East Coast for over a month now, and while I am enjoying the fuck out of being here it’s time for Nelly to find a job. When I first decided to move out here i was set on doing the most for the first three months and then start looking for a job my fourth month, I am realizing that was not a well thought out plan. I am not one that does well with no bi-weekly income. One side of me feels as if I should be taking advantage of all this free time that I know I will miss when I do get a job (because I will get a job) but the other side is grating myself for not having my hustler side activated.
I have to continue to tell myself to stay positive. None of us woke up with a damn paycheck or gainful employment. We had to be patient, and trust the process. I have no idea why I am getting into my own head with this super negative Nancy mentality that I know is not true, but what I am realizing is I’m IMPATIENT I literally gave myself until the end of this month to be working. While it took me practically two years to get my government job while I lived in Oakland. I am so paranoid I have added my resume to a temp agency and while there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this you are speaking to a girl who has been hired on the spot 4 out 5 times after an interview. I am feeling downtrodden.
Being patient has been a hard lesson
I had an interview over a week ago with a company that I decided I wanted to work for in April in California. The interview with swimmingly. I sent a handwritten Thank You letter and I sent a follow up email. I received a response that the next step would be for HR contact me. My impatience hasn’t even allowed me to take in the beauty of this. I am more concerned with if they have reached out to my references instead of: SHANELL YOU RESEARCHED A JOB AND MADE A DECISION TO APPLY FOR IT. YOU ASKED PEOPLE TO PRAY FOR YOU TO GET THIS JOB. YOU MOVED TO THE COAST OF THE JOB FOLLOWED UP AND WITHIN A 3 WEEK PERIOD YOU HAD AN INTERVIEW FOR THE JOB YOU CHOSE. DURING THIS INTERVIEW YOU GOT OFFERED TWO DIFFERENT POSITIONS IN WHICH YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE!!!! but instead of reveling in that moment I choose to be depressed about not having a job within 49 days of moving to a foreign land. Who does this?!?! I am going to go meditate and get my mental back together
At this point my house is packed, my car is shipped, and I am living at my brother’s house. I am attending a Warrior’s game at Mad Oak later today with Amber and Christina and I have a 5 o’clock AM flight to DC set for tomorrow to start my new life. I’m walking the lake because this will be my last time in a long time seeing Oakland from this perspective this shit is WILD. As I am walking the lake I receive a text.
My flight has been cancelled. HILARIOUS! WTF are the ancestors really trying to tell me? I choose to stay calm. Booked an even better flight, look at that. Needless to say I end up LOADED at Mad Oak and I am nervous about making this flight on time. I wobble my ass into the house try an make sense of this packing situation and throw my luggage into the rental. My drunk ass will have a helluva struggle in the morning
May 31:
I make it to the rental car drop off in one piece. The world is spinning wanna know why? because I’m still drunk AF! I make it to my gate and I’m actually grateful to be in this state because I am sure I would be depressed as shit to be leaving THE TOWN. I want to say I am sleep before the plane even touches the friendly skies. I wake up for my layover. My apartment isn’t ready until June 1st so I put all the finishing touches on that signing the lease, paying rent etc… Talk to a few people let them know I’m still alive thus far. Get through the last leg of this flight make it to DCA. As I am waiting for my luggage it kicks in, Bitch you had a one way ticket. There is no going home. You’re home. Keep it together Ms Flowers. I struggle with my luggage, I was offered help by someone but my heart wouldn’t allow for the help. Through pure struggle I make it to Hertz (where their systems are down so I am there for what feels like a decade) get my car and head over to my hotel where I will be staying for the night until my apartment is ready tomorrow. I am starving. I get to my hotel room an a rush of loneliness consumes me I refuse to succumb to it, instead I call someone and ask for dinner recommendations. I settle on Thai and my first meal is at the bar at The Beau Thai in DC. I stay and people watch for a minute. I lose interest quick. I get a Lyft back to the hotel I shower and literally pass out praying tomorrow is a better day
June 1st
I wake feeling light. Like I know today is a new beginning. I meditate I ask for guidance and clarity an I set my intentions. I drive to my new apartment building and a flood of excitement kicks in. I’m not visiting I LIVE HERE wow. I go to the leasing office give the young man my name he smiles and says, “hi, we’ve been waiting on you.” instant gratitude. I know in that moment I made the right decision for myself. I get the tour of the place. It has a gym, a convenient store, and parking everything else is icing. Me and Christian (leasing agent) are fast friends we stand in the empty living room talking way longer than necessary but hey I am ok with this. I finally bring my massive amount of luggage upstairs because this will be my life for the next week or so and sit indian style on the floor. My phone is going nuts with Venmo/Cashapp replies and when I look at it I ugly cry for a minute. I pull myself together and head to Walmart because your girl needs an air mattress. I will not be wasting money on a hotel. I am a Target kinda girl but Walmart is closest (so I thought) I’m in Walmart buying the essentials when, you know it, a wave of emotion conquers me again. I get through it I make it back to my empty apartment with my new things and I hunker down for the night.
Laid here and cried for an eternity.
Sunday June 2nd:
I wake up to amazing news, MY CAR IS HERE!! something from home. spectacular. I model my day around this because I am excited and I get to take this blue ass no back up camera having ass rental back a day early Praise Em! Also the Warriors are playing tonight and I dress accordingly with a shirt that represents that. I get the call that my car will be dropped off around the corner from my house, literally five mins away AWESOME. I make my way over there find a park and wait it out. The wait ends up being an hour. I have nothing but a protein shake in my body so I am slowly turning into a gremlin from hunger. I also remember that my car is on E so I need to scope out a gas station. done. An hour and a half later an accent calls me asking where I am WAITING ON YO ASS SIR he tells me where to find him. I round a corner and there she is my dirty ass car in all it’s glory that’s packed to the brim with all my shit and my plant GIMME GIMME GIMME. The guy that picked my car up is also the guy that delivers it, extremely nice guy but held me hostage talking for an additional hour. This is to his detriment, he talk to me for so long and I wanted to leave so bad I completely forgot to give him the 100.00 tip I had for him ( I still feel horrible when I called the company to make it right I was told he’s a third party contractor and they don’t have access to him) I drop the rental off, go back pick up my car, get gas, drive to the grocery store, pay for groceries only to walk out to my car and you guessed it there is absolutely nowhere to store these groceries cause ya gurl car is PACKED. I walk in tell someone my delimma they are gracious enough to hold my groceries for me. I wanna melt into the floor from embarrassment. after all this drama I figure out how late the game comes on here as I search the internet for the score Nah B the game hasn’t even happened!! the game comes on at 8 PM LAWD GEEZUS take the wheel. I find a sports bar not far from home called Dudley’s. I walk in an the vibe is dope. Rooftop all that good stuff. However someone from California walks in an there’s an instant bond. Needless to say I end up drunk and in a Lyft.
Monday June 3rd
I feel like shit. Utter warmed over shit. This air mattress is hot and sticking to me. I need ginger ale but every time I get up I’m dizzy. I have the North’s and the South’s. I wanna cry but that’s going to make life worse So I decide on sleep. I wake up in the middle of the afternoon I feel better. I decide to sweat it out in the the gym, also a friend comes by an takes me to go get soup at a local Thai food place. I just wanna go lay down.
Tuesday June 4th:
I feel a million times better!!! I hit the gym and decide to do some exploring. I have no idea where I end up but it’s a really nice part of town. I settle on having lunch at True Food Kitchen The food is amazing but the dessert is butt. My server is excellent I over tip him because he was dope. I walk around looking for a book store not successful. I decide I’ve done enough exploring I head back to my side of town.
Wednesday June 5th:
Another day of exploring but this time for household needs. I’m dedicated to fitness and the gym is in the building I really ain’t got excuses I hit the gym, get dress, head out. First stop food. I find a place Palette 22 (more about this later it’s amazing) who has happy hour from 11:30 AM- 9 PM I get the fuck outta there immediately cause it’s a set up!!! I do find out there’s a COSTCO Marshall’s Ross and all the shit I need to make a house a home 5 mins away from my residence IT’S LITTY TWO TITTY!
look at the Happy Hours outta line!
Thursday June 6:
Today good people I go on the hunt for an Ikea because I need rugs and we all know Ikea is going to give me what I need. The closest Ikea is 45 mins away challenge accepted. So the thing that is new for me starting off is I have never used GPS so much in all my life, This entire city is built on highways, freeways, beltways and junctions I AM CONFUSED AF but I have mission. The speed fluctuates between 55 and 45 MPH every 100 feet God be cruise control. I finally make it. Time to rage people. Within 30 minutes Of being there I have 5 rugs, 2 lamps, polka dot bowls, stemware, plates, and all kinda miscellaneous shit I don’t need. Then I see plants and mirrors. I want them all but none of this fits in the Buick!! I’m ready to cry. I’m also in tears because my silly ass wore a jumper to walk around Ikea and now I’m ass naked in a public restroom shaking over a toilet because my quads are about to give out. Needless to say I don’t get my plant and mirror but I know someone with a truck so those bitches will be mine MUAHAHAHAAHA yes that is a villian laugh.
Friday June 7:
Guess who has secured the re-up on the Ikea trip? I HAVE BITCHES! I have a full day planned today. I die in the gym again and then I head out to find Ethiopian food. I find a dope ass spot Enjera which reminds me of my fave Ethiopian spot Ensarra in Oakland I’m in heaven. I saddle up to a spot on the patio order the vegetable combo and a glass of Pinot Noir and people watch for lunch. Before I know it I’m getting a text confirming I’m watching the game tonight an I realize I’m 3 glasses of wine in. Also realized I am nowhere as I thick as I use to be an this wine has infiltrated my body. I decide to walk over to the mall an sober up. Great idea. I get the call that Ikea is calling my name WOOHOO the homie comes over and we map out what’s needed from Ikea but first let’s open the house warming Maker’s Mark. I’m game. Not my greatest idea cause now I’m pushing a 200 lb man on a cart through Ikea like it’s Mario Kart. Mirror and Plant and Lamp secured off to the bar to see what these Warriors gone do.
An guys this is my first week in my new town in my new home on a queen size air mattress with 3 luggage of clothes ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED
And yes thick chicks have a sexy side Muthaphukka!
I think lingerie is some of the sexiest shit on the planet! Even better if it’s attached to a round belly, stretch marks, and thick thighs. However, after happy hour with friends I’m realizing women are afraid of these wonderful liberating thin pieces of fabric, especially if you’re plus size. This makes me sad AF. As far back as I can remember I have had a thing for my bra and panties matching. Granted I’m a black lace kind of girl but you get where I’m going with this. Knowing that I was killing it under my raggedy outfit was always my secret super power. I also grew up with a Haitian grandmother who thought femininity was the end all to every situation (more on that in another post) I’m more concerned with, why is it that thicker women shy away from lingerie?? I understand before we didn’t have much to choose from (Does anyone remember Frederick’s of Hollywood? that store was soft porn at its finest) but now we are really being held down:
Are you telling me you wouldn’t wear this?? IT’S DOPE AND FROM FOREVER 21
These woman looks amazing!!!! Are you telling me you wouldn’t rock this?? How about with a Kimono?? Let me take you on a journey of a few pieces I think are universally dope and we all can feel amazing in
Gabi Fresh is someone i absolutely adore so her capsule line for Playful Promises are some of my favorites and are absolutely thick chick friendly:
I also took a gander of Fashion Nova and they have a wide variety of pickings as well:
One of my favorite celebrities in all of the land gave the thickies some options as well, I have to say tho I am not a fan of the Savage Fenty (clutches pearls) I believe Rihanna is one of the sexiest women on the planet but this line is very…meh
But I would love to hear how you ladies feel about lingerie. Do you enjoy it? Only wear it for your mate? Wear it daily? Tell me everything in the comments.
alright beautiful people let me warn you now I’m all in my feels and I will jump in an tell you why. When I decided I was moving I didn’t really give anyone fair warning. I kinda woke up teeter tottered with the idea, made a decision, chose a date, and got the wheels turning. Not much discussion. Anyway when I finally started to tell people about my move it was a week before my one way ticket took me to my new journey. Needless to say, this DID NOT go over well with a lot of people. and my apologies I realize how massively naive I was NOW when it comes to the love that people have for me. When I came to the reality that I would not be able to kick it with everyone i became immediately downtrodden but i had an idea
Instead of attending expensive ass dinners and getting drunk into oblivion via drink dates and happy hours I chose to request 10 American Dollars via Venmo and Cashapp to help with my move and also I realized how many people wanted to do something, anything for me, I felt like giving me 10 bucks was the same as buying me a drink. YA’LL!!!! I already feel the warm tears brimming on my eyelids AGAIN the response I got from people was overwhelming. I always knew I was loved but the abundance of love I received I still don’t know how to take in. You would have thought I was in Vegas at a winning slot machine the way my phone started to chirp. YAHTZEE
The 10.00 start pouring in and the tears started to flow cause I’m a punk! Also the 15.00 25.00 100.00 and 200.00 flowed in. And when those numbers came in I sat on the floor of my empty apartment in the fetal position and ugly cried. I mean snot flowing funeral cried. I’m sure I know why the cry was so hard, long, and ugly but I can say afterwards I felt renewed. I knew how hard my tribe fucked with me and I also figured out that I must be an alright human being for people to curse me out to give me their hard earned coin. Do you know I had friends and family come for my neck because I didn’t ask them for 10.00!! Folks were real life upset. I don’t even know how to handle this right now. I’m just proud that I have given out the kind of energy that blessed me with this kind of outpouring of love.
There is no way on the planet Earth that I can thank you all individually or even in this lifetime. My entire apartment is furnished because of you all. I mean I am wanting for NOTHING I was even able to buy groceries. I do want to say THANK YOU. Thank you from the pits of my soul that is nourished by my ancestors in the diaspora. Thank you for making me stand in my truth that I AM LOVED. Thank you for making me acknowledge numerous times that I would do the same for all of you (and I would) Thank you for calling me out about being so damn secretive. You all deserve better of me an I will give you that. iPromise
I am afraid to write this blog but I’m going to do it anyway
So Hey Guys. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. Let me introduce myself. My Name is Shanell. I’m a strong willed black woman who is born and raised in Oakland. I am also your guide in this safe haven we shall call SUGAHBOXX AND WELCOME. I have always wanted a space that I could go to for plus size women that gave me a variety of information for us by us. I never necessarily found what I was looking for so I am deciding to become what I could not find.
I promise to give you all my undying truth and nothing less.
Here I hope to share my personal ups and downs, but also I want this to be an interactive space between all of us, so by all means plus jump in the comments and tell me what WE need and want more of. My intent is to talk openly about plus size fashion and beauty, about health and exercise from a thicker chick perspective, sex (DUH) and mental health and whatever else this twisted world throws at us. I feel as if with all that is going on in this world an open dialogue is much needed.
I also want to take a moment and say THANK YOU to all of you that told me to pull the trigger LOL as confident as I may sound I am nervous as hell to start this blog but once again (and per usual) my tribe has my back. With that said HERE’S TO US on our new journey! Can’t wait to hear from you all!
Let me start by saying as a plus size woman I still have them. When I first start going to the gym I was a nervous wreck. I felt like everyone there was in shape, they were all looking at me, and calling me fat, amongst other things. I knew nothing about the equipment and weights and in my head it had to show. I actually felt as if there was a neon sign screaming I’M FAT AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING and every one would point and laugh. All these things are the furthest thing from the truth, while I’m sure If you have been brave enough to admit these insecurities to anyone the have gave you the same fuck ass advice let me break down how I became comfortable.
When I decided it was time to get in the gym I went to the doctor and got weighed (sidebar: WHY!!! Why the fuck must ya’ll know how much I weigh? It ain’t got shit to do with my strep throat!!) That scale said 270 pounds. I KNOW YOU FUCKIN’ LYING! Was my very first thought. I was distraught. I took off my coat, shirt, and hoop earrings (cause hoops are heavy) and NAH scale didn’t bulge. I felt the tears start to brim my eyes but I refused to let them drop. I can honestly say I have no clue what this doctor said because all I could see was that 270 on that digital scale and continued to think HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE?
I seen myself gaining the weight especially because I’m an emotional eater, for some reason since no one said anything I thought it was ok, but not really because when it came to being naked an entire new set of insecurities slid through. Sex with the lights on Absolutely not. Getting dressed in front of family or friends AIN’T HAPPENING However I’m 5’10 which is how I think family and friends were allowing me to chill with all this weight but it was time for a change for me.
My introduction to trying to lose weight was drastic (which is why it didn’t stick) My brother is a firefighter as well as a personal trainer BOOM I got everything I need right here NAH he was on some Herbalife shit at the time so I got sucked into that cult with him and his form of training was not for me which lead me to still have gym phobia and still eat horrible. I did figure out that I am less insecure if I am in the gym with someone so I ran with that info about myself. To kick start my weight loss I went on a 21 day juice fast. Absolutely no food just juice for 21 days. I watched the Netflix show Fat Sick N Nearly Dead and it set me off that road. I am sure there are a million trainers, doctors, and articles that will say juice fast are horrible on the body. An they are possibly right but it went well for me an I have no complaints. Next step for me was I knew I needed to get in the gym but I was still scared. I decided I wanted a trainer and I needed her to look like how I want to look and be knowledgeable in comes Cassandra
Please get into my FRIEND she’s the SHIT!!
My first meeting with Cassandra was beautiful. Before we even walked into the middle of the gym we had a conversation. What are my triggers? What’s my goals? Who body image is goals (Serena Williams DUH!!) How are my eating habits? (shit! I’m addicted to sugar) and then she explained the plan we will be weightlifting 3 times a week for an hour. I was scared shitless, but it was something about the knowledge she had and the confidence she had in me that made me at ease and so we started.
Progress!
For over a year I woke up everyday at 4:00 AM to work out with my trainer. NO CARDIO she didn’t believe in it. She also didn’t believe in my fears and never allowed me to live in them. I explained my how I felt like everyone is staring and she made sure to explain that I was her client and she was staring to make sure my form was proper. I complained EVERY session and she gave no fucks LOL! Cassandra seen what I was made of and what my body could become because she has done it to herself. While I was waking up at 4 am she was an hour into her own damn workout cause she was in the gym at 3!
The more I work out the stronger I become and that beats out all of my gym insecurities. The truth of it all everyone you see in the gym are fighting their own personal wars. From trying to gain weight, lose a lil, impress someone, look amazing naked and the list goes on. If they are serious about their journey they are secretly rooting you own for yours because you both have a common understanding. SO ladies and gents grab your headphones, grab some water, and do work YOU GOT THIS!
Welcome to SUGAHBOXX! I can’t even start to tell you how excited I am to have you here. I am Shanell and I’ll be your guide on this crazy journey that is my life. The goal is to have healthy discussions about love, fashion, spirituality, mental health, etc and to learn from one another in a safe space. Let’s get started shall we?
